Why is unfamiliarty so fucking uncomfortable? Why can I not stop looking back, even though I know there's nothing left for me. I was so scared of this my whole fucking life and now I'm just here and it's so real. I listen to songs I used to sing my lungs out to when I was 14 and the nostalgia tricks me, it insists things are better than they really are. And then I can't stop remembering, all the colors and the feelings and the familiarity. I think my heart just wants some familiarity. I want to hear a familiar voice, and I can't. Nothing familiar, except the sight of my own blood when I'm bleeding. But everything exploded behind me right? I can't remember anymore, I have exsisted in too many realitys. Water is getting in my ship but I will not let it sink. The sunshine is blinding me, and I have nothing to grasp hold too but my dreams. No more support for my soul mates, it is up to my heart from here. Some woman at the airport told me before I flew here that you can't jump and decide on the way down that you can't fly, and this is the first time in my entire fucking life I'm not gonna give up. I want to come home and let the sweet essence of familiar in gulf me, in my own bed, in my own room, in my own hometown. Who am I anymore? The old B is dead. I'm holding on so tight my knuckles are starting to rip down the bone, but I will never let go. The wind kisses my cheek and tells me to trust it, and I do. The palm trees tell me I'm home and I know I am. The sunshine wipes my tears and it all comes rushing back to me, that everything before this was an illusion, preparing me for this illusion. I feared this my whole life because I knew that this would be the most tough but most rewarding, setting me free and putting me on the final path. The Angels tell me this is home, and I will feel it when I'm ready. I was so crazy, thinking I could come here on Earth and do this but my soul leads the way. I guess the moral of this post is I should listen to my soul instead of my ego.
22:22 I'm never letting go
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