WindsOfChange

My heart is broken 
And I have no glue.


My eyes used to see rainbow
, But all they can see is blue. 
I look down on myself 
Not in my own body anymore. 
What is this life? Am I even sure? 
My emotions won’t stop flowing, even the most painful, I am surely growing. 
The wounds are deep and it stings so raw
. I am frozen in time, will I ever unthaw? 
Deep in the jungle, growing still. 
I am now a women, and I know what I must kill.

houseofleaves

Have I been half my entire life or whole? Everything won’t stop blending together, I may never know.

Miles and miles away from here, the past dances through the trees, the present has me catching my breath, and the future has me on my knees.

I can’t stop tripping and falling, splitting my skin to bleed, the more I fall and get back up, I am no longer in control of my lead.

The harmony of sweet life sings through my ears, but you know what won’t stop ringing? The screaming sound of fear. 

I grab tight, dig my nails deep in my skin, I no longer remember what synchronicity feels like within.

realeyesrealizereallies

Why is unfamiliarty so fucking uncomfortable? Why can I not stop looking back, even though I know there's nothing left for me. I was so scared of this my whole fucking life and now I'm just here and it's so real. I listen to songs I used to sing my lungs out to when I was 14 and the nostalgia tricks me, it insists things are better than they really are. And then I can't stop remembering, all the colors and the feelings and the familiarity. I think my heart just wants some familiarity. I want to hear a familiar voice, and I can't. Nothing familiar, except the sight of my own blood when I'm bleeding. But everything exploded behind me right? I can't remember anymore, I have exsisted in too many realitys. Water is getting in my ship but I will not let it sink. The sunshine is blinding me, and I have nothing to grasp hold too but my dreams. No more support for my soul mates, it is up to my heart from here. Some woman at the airport told me before I flew here that you can't jump and decide on the way down that you can't fly, and this is the first time in my entire fucking life I'm not gonna give up. I want to come home and let the sweet essence of familiar in gulf me, in my own bed, in my own room, in my own hometown. Who am I anymore? The old B is dead. I'm holding on so tight my knuckles are starting to rip down the bone, but I will never let go. The wind kisses my cheek and tells me to trust it, and I do. The palm trees tell me I'm home and I know I am. The sunshine wipes my tears and it all comes rushing back to me, that everything before this was an illusion, preparing me for this illusion. I feared this my whole life because I knew that this would be the most tough but most rewarding, setting me free and putting me on the final path. The Angels tell me this is home, and I will feel it when I'm ready. I was so crazy, thinking I could come here on Earth and do this but my soul leads the way. I guess the moral of this post is I should listen to my soul instead of my ego. 

22:22 I'm never letting go

Sunshine on my skin makes me feel from within.

Early morning walks to the volcanically heated pond are my favorite. The wind blew whispers through the palm trees that flowed through my hair. The sunshine kissed my skin and warmed it. 

Passed by the sacred dragon fruit cactus. Yes you read that right! Dragon fruit is the lush fruit of a cactus. It takes three years to bloom fruit & it is one of the worlds super fruits. Gaia had none to offer today but that's okay because she replenishes every so often for me to take.  (Luckily I still have some in the fridge!)

Hibiscus bushes always catch my eye and today what also caught my eye was this lone yellow one. How bravely he was growing through the essence of hot pink ones. He wanted to be different. 

I snapped a picture of this little fire elemental friend seconds before he ran off and was never to be seen again. He obviously had some big business to do today ;]

My beautiful wife, my feets, and muh bag of crystals. Water healing benefited us all today. We explored a new part of the pond we never had before and I asked archangel Michael to protect me of the unknown and he assured me I have nothing to fear and to let myself go with the flow of the ocean. I did just that, and water seeped into my Heart Chakra and cleared away fear. My Root Chakra swelled as the water pushed against my skin. 

I wonder if palm trees look down and see their beautiful resilient reflection in the clear water. 

Crystal charging in the tropical sunnnn!

Gaia'sHealing

Mother Earth herself presents her power to us daily, it is up to us to see it. More than ever I have found myself relying on Gaia to help soothe pain of past body trauma. I press any part of my body against her green hair or lay my skin against any tree spirits soft bark and ask them gently to heal my pain, they always answer in taking my pain away. In turn, I clean trash for them. Everyday the souls of my feet grace sacred soil, and mother draws it out of me like poison. She teaches me forgiveness of this situation, and cradles me in her arms as I refill the hole in my soul. She tells me that it was but a lesson, and that forgiveness will get me to the other side. So I forgive and she refills me. "You see, child. It is not your fault that someone else did not realize sharing light is better than stealing it." Mother Earth let's me take all I need to heal. Strength takes over my mind and I no longer feel "dirty" or like a "victim" I am just becoming me, and this will just be a piece of me forever and that is okay. You know those lumps in your throat? I got that when I typed that. Father healing flows in and out of me and MotherEarth  reminds me she loves me. It's like my body was numb and it is becoming mine again. Through earth, is healing. Through healing, is me. 

natural disasters

It's getting to be around that time again...
and all of the memories begin to flood in again. I push them out with all my force and they fight back harder, my body remembers.
Your free will will never over power mine, and it never did. I never let you do anything to me
Stealing my light without me asking, invasion of my sacred temple, my walls crumbled.
Angry and defeated, my soul never stops screaming.
I am nothing but my own being.
Iv'e spent enough time crying and blaming myself for someone's lack of passion and heart.
You shattered my vision and fogged my reality, clouded my body with your disease of doom.
I forgive you for myself and the well being of my body.
but there's one more thing Iv'e always wanted to say.
It was never my fault.

Receiving reality.

I am ever growing, ever blooming, ever flourishing, ever healing. The cycle never stops until my heart does.
My soul is intertwined with this body, taking it on a journey home.
Breathe everything Iv'e learnt before this out, and breathe the tropical air in.
My dreams are my vivid reality, painted in front of me in what Iv'e always wanted to call home.
Rooting myself to it's sacred soil, Hawaii welcomes me.
I feel nothing but peace beneath me.
We are taught to think "what if we never make it? what if our dreams never come true?"
And I am simply saying to you all "but ah, what If they do?'
What a time of complete transformation I am in, constantly shedding that no longer serves me.
I peel my eyes back more and more everyday, as I cannot believe it.
My soul brought itself home.